The Weight of Memory
Ellen and I are about to start a new chapter in our lives as we prepare to move to Smyrna, TN. Not sure exactly when we will do the actual move, but the packing has begun. As I carried the umpteenth box of stuff down the stairs, I was struck with the thought of how heavy memories can be. Having been on the planet now for about 6 decades, I have moved multiple times. In this iteration, I have seen boxes that I know I have touched at least a dozen times over the years. Each person in our family has a “special” box full of certificates, letters, pictures, medals, trophies, and souvenirs from great trips. To be honest, I think each of us has three or four at least. So, I have been shuffling all these memories around from closets and attics to new closets and attics for quite some time. Looking into the boxes, I have been transported back across the timeline of my life.
While I have really enjoyed the trek down memory lane, I have also become aware that I can’t continue to lug all these memorabilia containers around. So, I have struggled with tossing so many things away. Goodbye 5th grade Citizen of the Month certificate, adiós rooster coaster from Portugal, auf wiedersehen 3rd place Field Day ribbon. All kidding aside, I am throwing away hundreds of things that represented wonderful parts of my prior life. It feels so final to pitch these in the trash.
The real weight of this process, though, has been the realization that I have forgotten so much. I would love to hold onto all these special reminders of days gone by but forgetting is a natural and necessary element of life. We just can’t keep every day of our lives in storage. I have come to understand that all these events, along with the difficult and painful ones too, have helped build the person I am today. So, I can let go of the hard copy of all these things because they are integrated into my very being. Instead of dragging all my past along with me, I am working on just being grateful for these previous experiences and trying to live fully in the present. In many ways, life is much lighter that way.